Kent Thalman 0:09

Hi, I'm Kent and I'm Anna. And this is film and family, a podcast about feature filmmaking for professionals in the film industry with families

Anna Thalman 0:17

hit subscribe to never miss an episode.

Kent Thalman 0:19

Let's jump right

Anna Thalman 0:19

in. All right. We are back. And should we tell them where we're recording this podcast? No,

Kent Thalman 0:32

we are. A submarine. We're all in a yellow submarine.

Anna Thalman 0:40

Well, let's you use your imagination now it's getting

Kent Thalman 0:44

awkward. We are in bed bedrest.

Anna Thalman 0:51

So I think you guys know that we are expecting a baby and it's been kind of complicated. This is our fourth. Uh, my fourth pregnancy or fourth child, I have a sub chorionic hemorrhage, which is internal bleeding. So I've been on bedrest. So tonight we're recording the podcast in bed, which is very comfortable, maybe too comfortable,, which leads us right into the topic today. how do I, because it's about being uncomfortable and I feel like we talk about this a lot. I sometimes worry that maybe we talk about making yourself uncomfortable. Excessively, but if you can't tell that's something that we really believe in.

Kent Thalman 1:47

Well, and I think that this, this is not exactly that about making yourself uncomfortable, but we do address this concept of discomfort. Um, because we're talking about why sometimes we don't go after our quote unquote dream. And discomfort has a lot to do with that, um, which we'll get into, but first I think it'd be helpful. And this is something I talked about as we prepared for this podcast. What does that word dreams mean? Like what pops into your head? When I say that you're not living your dream or, or if I ask, are you living your dream? You would say yes or no, because you've got something in your brain that you've defined as your dream, but what is a dream?

Anna Thalman 2:35

Something that you want.

Kent Thalman 2:36

Yeah. Great. So I think that we think it's like, you know, I think soul does this interesting thing. The movie sold Pixar just released where he says, like you humans and your, your simple notions of purpose or whatever. And it's this idea of this really holy of all, Holies, romantic, beyond description or understanding a morphous thing called my dream. The thing that will make me complete and happy and whole.

Anna Thalman 3:05

The purpose or something. Yeah.

Kent Thalman 3:06

That's why I said, oh,

Anna Thalman 3:09

okay.

Kent Thalman 3:12

And so I feel like, what is this whole thing about dreams? And really a dream is something that you want really really badly. And maybe you think it'll make you whole or complete. And that isn't true, but it will certainly be something that you it's just something you want for some reason or another. And we don't always know why. But sometimes we have way more reasons to not go after it than we do reasons to go after it. And why is that? And why do we always feel this push to try something that's seems impractical or a needed, but we want it really badly or even seems impossible sometimes. So let's talk about why w why do we not go after our dreams?

Anna Thalman 4:03

Yeah, I think before we even get into that, I just think this, I want to clarify that if there is something that you want, first of all, you don't have to have any good reason necessarily for wanting things. Sometimes you just want something and that's something that comes out of your personality out of your interests. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a dream. If you feel like you have a dream for yourself and you aren't making it happen. Or you're trying to pursue it, but you're feeling a lot of fear and you're getting stuck along the way this podcast is for you. We're going to talk about, um, the usual discomfort that we usually talk about is the discomfort of chasing after your dream. You know, that discomfort is the price of growth. You have to be willing to fail, to learn and expand yourself. I think you guys get that idea, but today I want to talk about. The discomfort of not going after your dream, because that is also really uncomfortable. And some of you

Kent Thalman 5:09

are in that book. I think there's some really nice sort of Pinterest. You're looking little posters that talk about, This concept about, shoot for the moon. If you miss your land among the stars or, an almost cliche is if you're going to fail, go after your dreams and fail doing that. I don't know. I I've, maybe it's not so cliche if I can't even remember what they say, but I feel like I've seen some of those nice random pictures with bold letters on them.

Anna Thalman 5:35

Well, and I don't think this is that. That quote, shoot for the moon. And if you miss you'll fall among the stars, which is just shoot high. So that even if you come up short, you're still growing, growing. Yeah. What I mean by this. It's just the discomfort of not going after something, and sometimes it's because you don't think you have a good reason. Or you don't think it matters? often we think it's selfish. Yeah. You should do something else that serves other people instead of something that you really want to do. When in reality, we often serve people the most when we do what we love. We're able to do it well, and we're able to serve people in that way. So, there's that kind of discomfort. I think there's a few different ways that this can look so to help you recognize it. sometimes it looks like lying to yourself. let's say you've been going after trying to get a film career off the ground for 10 years. And then you just start to say, well, I didn't really want this anyway. maybe I was never cut out for it. And you start telling yourself lies because you are uncomfortable. And you would like to pretend that you're not and make it go away.

Kent Thalman 6:55

Yeah, I think another way we lie to ourselves as maybe as a society, we have lies that are perpetrating, all over the place. Like. Our minds, some of those lies are the quote unquote real job. This idea that going into film is not a real job or pursuing anything that you want. that's when I hear a lot, Or that you can't make a living doing it or that it's way too competitive. And you have to get lucky to make a big break and film. Uh, I think those are all untrue. I think if you work really, really hard and you develop valuable skills and you offer that value to people who are in need of it or who think they can monetize it, you can totally make a career out of this and that doesn't require being ungenuine like you can, yeah. Really honest, authentic art and make money from it. Another way I think we lie to ourselves is by saying something like. Oh, I'm just going to do this tangential job for a very long time, because it's required to get to the job I actually want. Sometimes there is like a strategic way to do that and to say, well, I would like to do some of these jobs or have some of these positions first and get good at them because it's a really wise way to build. A knowledge base for yourself that can be really, really wise when you treat jobs like courses and stepping stones. But then sometimes we think that those jobs are actually like a requirement or prerequisite that I don't know, the Jabo sphere somewhere somehow like requires of us. But most of those I've found are myths. I think that usually just jumping straight into the job is often a really great way to do it. Like, and there's nothing wrong with it. Working,, somewhat tangential jobs for awhile, as long as it's part of your strategy to get to that thing, but be careful because sometimes you can do that for way longer than you need to, and sometimes you do it and you don't need to. And,, if you ever want to become a cinematographer, you've got to be DP. Even if you're doing other stuff on the side, like a seeing or working at an ad agency or delivering groceries, or I don't care, you gotta be DP. If you're ever gonna make money duping, and you've got a director, if you're ever gonna make money directing, and you've gotta be acting if you're gonna make money acting.

Anna Thalman 9:11

And that doesn't mean that has to be your career,. Because lots of people. Bring a really interesting perspective when they have a job that's completely unrelated to film. We have to pay the bills. We have to feed our families. That is a reality for most of us. And so there are a lot of people who work in other industries and then go tell stories. They still make it happen. And their stories bring this unique perspective because. Of the other interests they have or the other things that they do. But I want you to think, do I do this? Do you see yourself and you'll know, deep down inside, you'll know if you're lying to yourself. If you're using something as an excuse to not go after your dreams, if you're saying, I have to provide for my family and this job is comfy and it does that and it has benefits. I can't quit it to go do film. I'm not saying you have to quit your job, but are you writing, are you still working towards making something? Are you working on passion projects? You do not have to quit your job to start making a film. And the majority of the work can be done even with an hour a day in the evenings after the kids go to. If you are writing a screenplay and then you start putting together a pitch packet and then you do pre production. And then let's say you even just shoot on the weekends like Christopher Nolan did with his first film or you shoot during a vacation, take off work for a week or two to shoot production is the part that, It's a little harder to do on the side, but that's only a very small part of this whole process of making a film. So just notice if you're using, you're needed to provide, or you need to do other things that are important to you as an excuse for not going after what you dream of doing like Kent said, it's not about. Are you working in the industry or not? Are you making money with this thing or nights? Are you actually doing what you want to be doing as a dream career? If you want to be making feature films, then making commercials is not going to be the exact same thing. Making a short is not the exact same thing. You need to actually make a feature. At some point, if you want to be a feature filmmaker,

Kent Thalman 11:34

that's essential kind of feature films. Do you want to make? Because sometimes people think feature filmmaking is their dream, but what stories do you want to tell? And, this is not exclusive to directors or writers. We're talking to cinematographers, we're talking to actors. I think many actors and writers need to. Really get yourself going in this industry, we need to accept that we need to make films. And so if an actor needs to learn how to use a camera or just networking and producing, maybe just producing is enough to get the ball rolling, but take up whatever cross you have to to get this thing going and I really believe that if that's what you want to be doing, that's what we're gearing this podcast towards. If you don't want to make feature films, then I don't know, that's not really the point of this podcast, but if that is really what you're trying to do, no matter what position you're trying to play the early days are going to be just make movies.

Anna Thalman 12:33

Yeah, and we have a podcast called write your own role that's a great one to look at for whatever role you want to play. And we talk about how, if you're an actor, you could write the perfect role for you, or if you're a DP and there are certain things you love to shoot a certain style. You love to shoot, and you can write a film that showcases that or work with a writer to create a story that showcases that

Kent Thalman 12:55

give yourself the dream job. Like what you wish someone would call you and hire you to do just do it. And you're probably not going to get paid to do it the first time around, but then you're going to show, this is what I do, and I'm the best at it because I'm the only person who likes to make these very particular kinds of stories in this very particular way, because it's so much of myself in them. It's this unique perspective that you have as an actor or cinematographer or director or writer or whatever. And when you start telling those stories, then people are going to go, oh this is your thing. So if I need someone who does that thing, I'm going to go to you because I've never seen anything with quite this flavor, or maybe they have, but you just do it long enough. And people start to say, that's the guy, that's the guy or the gal who makes these kinds of films and you'll get it. Sometimes in the least likely ways, the things we make actually lead to jobs that pay us to do the things we have made. And if you have made the thing that you love the most, or that means the most to you. That's what will start coming your way. and if you're not making the thing that means the most to you, whatever it is you are making is what's going to start coming your way and what you're going to get paid to do.

Anna Thalman 14:06

Yeah. You'll attract more of what you do regularly. and that's what you'll get good at as well. So it's good to make sure that you're making time for passion projects. I don't want to give the wrong idea on this podcast. This doesn't apply to everyone. You don't have to just seek change for changes sake. You don't have to always be looking for the next thing. If you feel really legitimately content where you are in your pursuit of your dream or where you are in, whatever you're doing, maybe there isn't really a dream that's okay. And you can, your content. So there's no need to listen to this podcast, at least this episode. But if you do feel that poll, I want you to know that it's a lot of work to deny that dream you're having to lie to yourself. You're probably making excuses to others as well. You might be, and yourself, you might be blaming other people or resenting the people you love and saying, oh, why you won't let me pursue that

Kent Thalman 15:06

dream. I often find ourselves blaming our families, or sometimes we blame the industry and act like,, oh, someone just needs to come and take a leap of faith on me. And no one's going to give me a chance, give me my big break. That's a. That's a tricky one that one's a lie that we often tell ourselves because we're blaming the industry.

Anna Thalman 15:28

Another way that this can look is what we call buffering with false pleasure. So it's basically when we feel uncomfortable in our own life, sometimes we will go and find false pleasure in things that create maybe a chemical high, like. Pornography or drugs that's a false high or yeah, brownies, sugar, cupcakes, whatever your thing is. We all have a thing, right? Our drug, our thing that we do to feel good when we. Don't want to feel what we're feeling, which is discomfort. So a buffer is basically something that has a net negative effect in the long run. So it's something you don't want to be doing because there are things you might do to feel better. Maybe you go exercise or you're cleaning your house and that's fine. It's fine to have coping mechanisms, but coping mechanisms that have a negative effect long-term on you. Which a lot of them do are not going to be good. And sometimes. That can be a lot of work to try to manage addictions or the buffering that you're seeking after because of this discomfort

Kent Thalman 16:42

and buffering will always eventually become, an addiction if you do it enough. And then that addiction will block you from being able to actually do the hard work of pursuing your dream one day. Which is it just gets you more stuck.

Anna Thalman 16:57

Yeah. Yeah. You'll become dependent on whatever your buffer is to feel good. Instead of learning how to be okay with not feeling good because you don't have to feel good all the time. And that is a skill being able to just. Be comfortable in our own emotions and allow our bodies to process emotion, whatever that might be, as we experienced life, but also be able to find joy that comes from kind of long-term pursuits things that, bring a positive effect into our life. Ultimately like seeking after goals and doing hard things, so it's a lot of work and it's not comfortable to deny your dreams. So if you've been doing this, you're already uncomfortable. And that's what I want to point out to you because we always talk about being willing to be uncomfortable, to pursue your dream. And I want to show you that you are already uncomfortable, so you have nothing to lose, lose

Kent Thalman 18:00

this podcast,

Anna Thalman 18:04

living the worst case scenario, right. We're so afraid to do things because of a feeling that we might get. We're afraid of feeling like we failed. We're afraid of the discomfort. Whatever, whatever that discomfort looks like for you, of going after that dream you're experiencing right now by not going after it.

Kent Thalman 18:26

So, What we would like to leave you with is this rhetorical question to shake you up inside, which is if you're uncomfortable, either way, why not choose the discomfort of pursuing what it is you want, that you might not get as opposed to the discomfort of always wanting what you want and doing nothing to get us forever. And, I'll warn you that if you choose the ladder, Then you'll just deal with it forever and maybe you'll get over it best case scenario. And if you choose the former and you actually try and get what you want out of life, and try and make that a viable, responsible thing, right. You're working hard to try and create a career doing what it is you want. You might get it. And it won't make you complete and for happily ever after, you know, but you'll at least have a little bit of the pride of knowing that you can do it and that you can make stuff like that happen in your life. And then you can figure out what it is you want from there. And then you pursue that upward and onward.

Anna Thalman 19:35

You can't avoid the discomfort. Discomfort is part of life. There's the two different kinds we talked about today of going after your dream or not. So we just want to leave you with that and think about which one are you choosing.

Kent Thalman 19:49

There are no promises in life. We're going to have to risk one way or another. So we might as well risk doing what it is we feel like we want to do. Yeah.

Anna Thalman 19:58

thank you so much for joining us today. If you like what you're hearing on the podcast, you'll love our film and family academy.

Kent Thalman 20:06

So in this program, you're going to learn, what's stopping you from making your feature film, like we talked about today, but you'll also. How to apply our proven model until you've achieved your dream career. And best of all, we'll teach you how to do this without sacrificing your relationships, your values, or your sanity.

Anna Thalman 20:20

It's really easy to find out. If this program is a good fit for you, you can sign up for a free consultation. Just click the link in the show notes, to learn more. See

Kent Thalman 20:29

you next time. Bye.